I am a happy person generally, but that does not mean I couldn’t be happier or more satisfied with my life, all of which led me to do a little research. The relatively new field of Positive Psychology (essentially the study of happiness) is showing us the way we can be happier in study after study. As Neil Pasricha says in his book The Happiness Equation, “Being happier is the biggest challenge you face every single day at work. Same if you’re a stay-at-home mom, studying through school, or traveling abroad. Teaching and training your brain to stay positively focused while navigating the bumps of life is not something we’re taught at school.” And yet, it may be the single most important skill set we can learn for ourselves and teach to the next generation. Depression rates are 10 times higher today than they were in 1960 and the average onset of depression has moved from almost 30 years (in 1960) to 14.5 years old. More kids than ever before are going to college medicated for anxiety and/or depression, and colleges across the country are experiencing record breaking needs for counseling services. We have seen a spike in loneliness, depression, anxiety and suicide. We should actually be in the happiest time in human history right now (if based on external world causes). The fewest number of people are dying of diseases than ever before and the fewest number of people are dying in wars and conflicts than at any other time in human history. But that is not the case. Scores of new studies and research show us that we could help inoculate our pre-teens and teens and young adults against depression by teaching them how to “happy up”.
Most people believe that if you work hard, put in the time, success will follow and then you will be happy. But that model is actually broken. Success is always a moving target, the goalposts of success are constantly relocated to the next county. How many times have you thought that if you just got a raise, made that team, or dated the right person, you would be happy? And being successful will not make you happier but being happier WILL make you more successful. Happiness is actually the precursor to success, not the other way around. As Shawn Achor says in The Happiness Advantage, “We become more successful when we are happier and more positive. For example, doctors put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis show almost three times more intelligence and creativity than doctors in a neutral state, and they make accurate diagnoses 19 times faster. Optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by 56 percent. Students primed to feel happy before taking math achievement tests far outperform their neutral peers. It turns out that our brains are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative or even neutral, but when they are positive.”
Yale professor Nicholas Christakis, MD, PhD, MPH studies how attitudes and behaviors spread within networks. “A happy friend increases the likelihood of you being happy by 9%. An unhappy friend means a 7% decrease. Yes, happiness is more contagious than unhappiness.” But overall, we as humans crave connection and we need it. Shawn Achor in an Super Soul Oprah podcast called The Life Altering Power of a Positive Mind (4.10.2019) says it well, “Social connection is the greatest predictor of long term happiness that we have. Social connection is as predictive of how long you will end up living as obesity, high blood pressure, or smoking.” Maybe you should take a second and reread that! That statistic is amazing and should absolutely motivate us to work on our connectedness. Connectedness is a huge measure of happiness.
As it turns out, researchers have been able to pin point several super important facts about happiness: 1. Happiness is a choice. 2. Happiness is an incredible advantage. You do not have to be successful to be happy but when you ARE happy, your creativity triples; your intelligence rises; your productivity rises by 31%; you are 40% more likely to get a promotion; and 39% more likely to live longer. I think those are pretty compelling reasons to try some of their suggestions.
Shawn Achor who authored The Happiness Advantage says, “If you change your habits and mindset, you can trump genes, environment and childhood.” So what are his suggestions for how to get happier?
- Work on the breadth, depth and meaning of your social connections. He suggests writing a 2 minute email to praise or thank someone that you know. It has been proven to dramatically raise social connection.
- Believe that what you do matters.
- Create one positive habit and practice it for 2 minutes a day for 21 days. It can help rewire your brain. His specific suggestions include keeping a journal of things for which you are grateful. Write them down and be very specific.
So, I will leave you today with those three as action items for things you can do to “happy up” and hope that you choose happy, as it can have an amazing influence on your life, your friends, your longevity and how you approach everyday and how others approach you! Never fear! I am no quitter. I will be back with more suggestions soon!