Sneaky Little Fun Suckers

My phone is almost always on my person and when it is not, I feel a momentary sense of panic wondering where it is and what I have missed. And lots of times, when I lose it for a while, I have missed something, an opportunity to play tennis or a phone call from one of my kids or John or my parents. These are not usually life changing misses but because everyone expects you to have your phone and to check it regularly, you can lose out if you are not nearby when opportunity comes beeping.

But I think me and my device may need to break up. Because the latest research is showing me that we can completely fail to see things if we are not intentionally looking for it, which means we are not even AWARE of what we are missing because we are too caught up in our devices. Brian Shoal, a professor of Psychology and Cognitive Sciences says, “Our window on the world is that which we attend to.”  Even our very favorite things can only influence us if we pay attention to them.

I found this statistic to be fascinating. Recently, chewing gum sales have gone down by double digits. After careful study, they were able to attribute it to a very specific change in behavior. Can you guess what came out before this downward trend began? When the iPhone became popular, it caused a huge shift in purchasing behavior in the check out line. We literally no longer even see the chewing gum for sale because we are too busy looking at our iPhones. In multiple studies of people in line to check out at grocery stores, a full 60% of the people in line took out their phones while waiting and 80% of those took their phone out within 20 seconds.

Another couple of shocking statistics:

• 95% of people say they have used their phone during a recent social gathering, which means that even while we are with people we love and care about, we are choosing to be distracted by our phones. And even more upsetting…
• 10% of the people surveyed admitted to using their phone at least once during sex. Enough said…

Liz Dunn, a professor of Psychology at The University of British Columbia studies how phones influence us. She wanted to know what, if anything, the act of having your phone around you does to your attention and enjoyment. She and her team did an experiment where they bought people dinner with friends and family in order to study their behavior. Some groups were told to have their phone available during dinner, and others were not allowed their phones.  Afterwards, they took a simple survey to report how much they enjoyed their dinner and how connected they felt to family and friends after having had that time together.  Overwhelmingly, the groups that had their phones out experienced significantly less joy and less connection than those who put their phones out.

In another study, participants got a free massage. All the participants were told to bring their phones into the massage room and put them on a table. No one was allowed to touch their phone during the massage. Half of the participants received a phone call during their service.  Guess what? When polled afterwards, those who got a call experienced far less enjoyment than those with silent devices, even though no one was allowed to answer. That’s a sneaky little fun sucker for you, undermining your enjoyment without you even being aware of its ability to do so!

So why are phones so much worse than other possible distractions? It appears to be a magical combination of portability and the incredibly rich and endless opportunities for information and entertainment. In your pocket or your purse, you have access to almost every recipe ever known, entire libraries of books, every film archive, nearly every song ever recorded, infinite news sites, every magazine, all podcasts ever recorded, quotes, celebrity gossip, porn, a shopping cart for every department store in the world, all your emails, the latest weather, and infinite swipes for romantic partners. That is pretty compelling stuff! But remember, social connection, even with strangers, is key to our well being.  When sitting in a room full of strangers for 10 minutes without phones, there is almost always interaction between the people in the room and also, a lot of smiling.  When phones are added to the mix, interactions cease and there is 30% less smiling. Because the phone has some redeeming value, it is easy to overlook how much interaction we may be missing out on.

The NY Times has called Catherine Price, “the Marie Kondo of Brains”. Price is a freelance science journalist who is committed to helping people design a life in which you control your technology instead of the other way around. She has written a book called How to Break-up with your Phone and has as her ultimate goal of increasing your happiness, productivity, creativity, health and well-being. She offers several simple suggestions for us all to get back in the driver seat with our phones instead of letting them drive us.

• Shut off all notifications.
• Turn your phone to grayscale (limits the visual appeal while still being able to view)
• Delete any apps you find irresistible.
• The only apps on your homescreen should be tools, not temptations.
• Experiment. If you find you cannot live without something, you can always re-install.
• Use the acronym–WWW. When you reach for your phone ask yourself, What for? Is there a purpose for picking up your phone? Why now? Are there emotional triggers that are making you want to hide from your current situation? And the last W, What Else? What could you be doing with the time you are spending on your phone?

My oldest daughter, Carter, officially broke up with her phone, following Price’s suggestions and she coupled that with giving up social media for Lent. “One of my main excuses for keeping social media is staying in touch with friends but in actuality, when I got rid of social media it helped me have more time and energy to really connect with my close friends.  I did not need the daily update on what everyone ate that day,” Carter explained.

In closing, our phones are a gift of connection IF we use it for connection and not as a reason to avoid connection. And it is important to put our phones down to get the deep, satisfying connections that we all crave. Phones are sneaky little fun suckers, stealing moments of concentration with our loved ones and siphoning off joy from the truly relaxing experiences and life affirming moments. Would anyone like to join me in at least a partial breakup with my phone?